you’re the reason my sunflowers grow but i’m the reason you’re pulling those weeds
it’s funny how since you’ve left you’ve taken over my life more than ever. i can’t wear my favorite perfume anymore thanks to you. because every time i wore it you told me i smelled like dreams. it’s been months since i’ve put on that necklace you gave me. i can’t even play with my etch-a-sketch because of that winter night when you snuck into my room and made a heart on it. it’s still sitting on my dresser where you left it. i haven’t chewed my favorite kind of gum because you bought it for me that first day. and maybe soon i won’t be able to look at my own face in the mirror without becoming overwhelmed with the memories of you glorifying my nonexistent beauty. i moved my bed across my room to avoid looking at your writing on my window from that day we first kissed. but some things i refuse to change, out of hope you’ll come back. like my backpack i wear to school every day, because it matches yours, so maybe people will think we’re still together. and the lovely honeysuckle candle you bought (one for each of us) still sits on my bed table. the candle we promised to only light at the same time. during our phone calls. it’s stayed there waiting to be lit again. and i’m hoping one day you’ll call and say you miss me, and we can light our candles and use my candy cane chapstick again, just like our first and last.
i can only hope that it once hurt you as bad as it’s still hurting me
you broke my spine trying to get to my heart so now i will always fall back on you and im scared because i can still taste you and your lies but i can’t seem to tell the difference between the two
the mail didn’t lose your letter you lost your courage and i lost my way and we both lost our grip because neither of us had much to hold on to
sometimes i really hope you wake up and you just miss me so much you don’t know what to do. and how dumb is that right? my dad says that false hope is the worst kind of hope. because you know what you’re hoping for won’t happen, but you hold onto it because you just need something to hold. and im sorry that things fell apart and i can never hold it together and im sorry that i do this but some days are just really messy and i crave you in every way and I don’t know when that stops or how to stop it or maybe it stops on it’s own maybe someone else stops it for me maybe it never stops i just will grow use to it. I wonder if you you ever regret it. any part of it. me, loving, leaving, hating. I hope you smile. i hope you smile and your dimples take over your whole face and I stopped making you smile months ago but please smile for me. does our song ring in your head and you tug at your ears and bounce around like you’re trying to get the water out after a swim but you can’t because it’s stuck our song is stuck on repeat in my head. right now it’s the only think keeping you here.
you told me you always took pictures of the sky because it looks different everyday and it took me a long time to realize that this also applies to people
at the bottom of your ocean i realized that i can’t sink if i’ve already sunk.
maybe you were thousands of miles away but you were the only one who was ever really here and doesn’t anybody realize that his heartbeat kept me alive more than my own and i fucking needed you